Why 'Don’t Stress' Isn’t Enough: Rethinking Student Mental Health

“Don’t stress, failing a test does not equal failing in life.”

Funny enough, there isn’t a more contradictory phrase in a student’s world. Many parents and adults use this line to comfort students who are visibly stressed about school. But here’s the catch — this phrase usually only comes out afterthe damage is done, when we’re already drowning in stress and it’s affecting our ability to function. That’s what makes it feel so contradictory. These words aren’t used to prevent stress or support us before we’re overwhelmed — they’re said after we’ve already been seen struggling.

With that being said, is academic stress the only burden students carry? Or is it simply the only kind of stress they’re expected to have?

Stress Isn’t Just About School

"I am feeling anxious" - "It's okay, just focus on school"

Yes, education is a huge part of a student’s life—or at least that’s what we’re constantly told. Pursuing academic success is a strong expectation placed on students by both family and society. But with that comes the burden of anxiety, burnout, and constant pressure to perform.

The irony of parents telling us not to stress over a test is hard to ignore, especially since those same expectations are enforced 90% of the time. Often, parents unintentionally add to this stress by setting high standards without offering the emotional support students truly need. Their words of comfort end up feeling like a band-aid slapped on too late—not to prevent stress, but as a last-minute fix once the pressure has already taken its toll.

This pattern doesn’t only apply to academics. Students face stress from friendships, identity struggles, family conflict, finances, mental health, and more—but these often go unacknowledged, especially when parents believe that school is the only thing a child needs to focus on.

In immigrant households, this kind of emotional check-in can go completely unnoticed. Mental health struggles are often invisible until they show up in more physical or urgent ways—like getting sick, shutting down, or falling behind in school. Only then does it grab attention. But by that point, we’ve already been carrying so much in silence—whether it’s school-related or not.

The Message Isn’t Wrong—It’s Just Mistimed

It’s not that the message is wrong—it’s simply mistimed. Parents’ intentions are usually heartfelt, and their strictness often stems from a deep desire for their children to succeed. But without consistent involvement or awareness of the emotional burden their children might be shouldering, those efforts can feel disconnected—or even counterproductive.

What students need is early, consistent support that goes deeper than clichés. That’s where therapy can make a real difference. It provides a safe space and unbiased environment to process emotions, unpack stress, and develop healthier coping tools before reaching a breaking point.

Therapy as a Tool for Self-Awareness

Therapy is a strong tool that students can use to gain better awareness of their thoughts, feelings, and behavior patterns. It teaches us to recognize and understand the connections among these elements. This understanding can lead to improved decision-making, greater confidence in executing decisions, and an enhanced sense of self-acceptance.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most widely used therapy methods. CBT helps people identify unhelpful thought patterns and learn how to regulate intense emotions more effectively. The goal is to get a clearer view of our thoughts, beliefs, and expectations—because often, it’s not the situation itself that causes distress, but the way we think about it.

For example, someone struggling with depression might start losing interest in hobbies or daily routines that used to bring them joy. That withdrawal can lead to deeper feelings of sadness and isolation. In CBT, a therapist might work with them to identify those patterns and gradually reintroduce small activities to help them feel more connected and motivated again.

CBT is also used to teach calming and grounding techniques, such as deep breathing or mindfulness exercises, to help clients center their emotions during overwhelming or emotionally intense moments. Additionally, techniques like journaling, role-playing, and guided questioning can teach us how to express feelings in healthier ways and break free from distressing cycles of negative thinking and behavior.

Therapy provides a structured environment to challenge self-defeating beliefs and build positive self-talk. As students replace harmful thought patterns with adaptive ones and practice new behaviors, they cultivate a stronger sense of self-confidence and competence.

Benefits of Building Stronger Communication Skills

As a child, I remember that expressing an opinion—especially during tense or emotional situations—was often labeled as “back talking.” In many traditional family dynamics, age played a significant role: the younger the child, the more their thoughts and feelings were dismissed under the assumption that parents always know best. When a child attempted to question or challenge a decision, the typical response was a quick shutdown, further reinforcing the message that their voice didn’t matter.

Because of this, communication in many households tends to be one-sided. The varying family dynamics, combined with the everyday chaos of life, leave little room for children to share their thoughts or feel genuinely heard. Over time, many kids stop trying to express themselves altogether and choose to conform to their parents' expectations just to avoid conflict.

This is why learning to communicate our thoughts and emotions in a healthy, respectful way is so crucial—not just to reduce conflict, but to protect our emotional well-being and preserve our sense of self.

So, how does therapy help this process?

Therapy offers a supportive space where students and youth can develop strong communication skills. It helps individuals gain clarity around their thoughts and teaches them how to articulate these thoughts clearly and assertively. This leads to stronger emotional connections and fewer misunderstandings with family, friends, and romantic partners.

These communication skills also carry over into academic and professional settings, improving collaboration with professors and coworkers, boosting performance, and opening up future career opportunities.

Managing Relationships and Boundaries

“Boundaries”… a concept that often feels foreign in many traditional family dynamics—especially for youth, and sometimes even for adults. Setting boundaries can come with a heavy sense of guilt, largely due to the “we are family” mindset that suggests unconditional access and availability. In fact, many people find it easier to set boundaries with peers or in platonic relationships than with family members or romantic partners.

However, there are countless benefits to establishing respectful and effective boundaries. One of the most important is the ability to manage relationships without carrying resentment or guilt for simply asking for space.

Therapy plays a huge role in helping clients build effective and respectful boundaries through an understanding of self and others. By building awareness of our limits, we can learn to recognize unhealthy dynamics such as manipulation, over-involvement, or neglect—and develop the ability to set clear, respectful limits.

Overall, learning to set boundaries is essential for maintaining emotional well-being and protecting mental health, especially when navigating peer conflicts, dating challenges, family pressures, or even roommate issues.

Final Thoughts: Real Support Comes Before the Crisis

Support for students can’t be a fire drill—it needs to be part of everyday life.

Saying “don’t stress” isn’t wrong, but it’s not enough. It needs to be paired with actions, tools, and consistent emotional support. Therapy offers students a space to feel heard, understand themselves, and grow emotionally resilient—not just academically successful.

So instead of waiting until we break down, let’s build students up from the start—with validation, presence, and resources that help them thrive.

Because failing a test doesn’t mean failing at life—but ignoring emotional health might.

Written by Nikita Ugandher

Edited by Carlita L. Coley, LPC

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About the Author

Nikita is a Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) graduate who is passionate about advocating for mental health and social equity, especially in communities and cultures that tend to neglect youth mental health. Nikita will be attending VCU’s graduate Social Work Program in the fall with the career goal of becoming a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and using her multilingual skills to offer culturally responsive therapy to ethnic teens and young adults.